Why Saying No Isn't A Dirty Word
Why Saying No Isn’t A Dirty Word
You've been asked to join yet another committee at work or your kid’s grade school teacher asked you to volunteer for some project and you... just. cant. say. no. Yep, we’ve all been there before, today I’ll show you why the word No isn’t a dirty word and what you can say instead to sweeten it up. One of the most popular reasons we don’t go after our goals or start that new project, lose weight, read more or…( insert anything here) is because we don’t have the time. Well; there are few things that take up our time:
Sleep takes about 6- 10 hrs out of the day
Family/ Home responsibilities
Work responsibilities
Leisure activities
Everything else is pretty much negotiable and to make more time for yourself it involves saying yes or no.
When you say yes to something you are saying no to something else.
You have certainly heard this one before but if you are anything like me you have probably said yes to Instagram Scrolling for an hour knowing you have one million piles of laundry to fold or you have a project due some time in the very near future. Or maybe you said yes to helping someone create a surprise birthday celebration for a friend and it’s taking up much more time than you thought. Either way at some point it becomes very clear that when you are saying yes to something whether it fills you up or provides no value at all it means you are saying no to something else.
When you have your goals in mind, your obligations, and tasks that propel you forward battle for spots on the priority list.
What are you doing right now that doesn’t serve you or that you really don’t want to do
Make a list and check it twice. Look over your calendar for the next 6 months and write down all of your current obligations whether it’s doctors’ appointments, special events, commitments on committees, projects, friends, family, or strangers even.
As cheerful people, we love to help others and bring joy to their lives, but sometimes we can fill up our days with obligations that only benefit others. There is nothing wrong with that, but as we consider making and actually achieving goals we have to balance our time obligations to the dreams and lives of others with our own dreams and lives.
Writing a list of everything you do will be alarming at first because you do so much more than you thought, some of it is automatic and goes unquestioned or adjusted even after it’s no longer needed. This is where saying no or backing out of obligations comes in handy and there’s nothing naughty about that!
Saying No is hard, backing out is even harder.
When a friend, coworker, boss or stranger asks you to do something it’s extremely challenging to say no for a variety of reasons that are totally unique to you and your personality, but in working with many clients these are the top reasons why we say yes even when we don’t entirely want to.
Fear of conflict
Don’t want to disappoint
Desire to be reliable or more desirable
You are a woman
Fear of conflict, not wanting to disappoint and a desire to be likable, desirable, reliable ( insert any “ible” here) stops us from making the decision both out loud and in our minds about turning down an offer or ask. Research shows that those thoughts and feelings are exponentially increased if you are a woman and make it more challenging for women to say no.
The good news is that there is a way to flip the script but it takes a little practice.
You have a list of all of your current and future obligations, now it’s time to get real and see where you can make some cuts.
Circle things that you don’t really have a desire to do or that don’t help you move the needle forward on your goals. Are any of the obligations things you can gracefully back out of or elegantly decline? Yes? Do it now and cross that item off the list. Extra points if the items crossed off are expired commitments that you’ve made to yourself or others.
You are now one step closer to having more time and headspace to take action toward your goals from practicing saying no to the things that are easier to say no to.
Saying No to certain obligations, little luxuries and pastimes are essential to creating the mental and physical room to go after your larger goals. You’ve made the hard decisions to formally back out of things you did not want to do in the first place. You are way more confident in your ability to say No. You’ve even learned how to say No Cheerfully, you go girl!
Now, let’s use this newfound time and confidence to take another small action toward your goals and happiness. If you want more ways to create more space and joy in your life and join my email list to get my guide on the 3 Reasons you are Unhappy and 5 ways to change it.
Cheerfully,
Cheryl
